When Harry met Sally
|
Harry |
You realize of course that we could never be friends. |
|
Sally |
Why not? |
|
Harry |
What I’m saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. |
|
Sally |
That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. |
|
Harry |
No you don’t. |
|
Sally |
Yes I do. |
|
Harry |
No you don’t. |
|
Sally |
Yes I do. |
|
Harry |
You only think you do. |
|
Sally |
You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge? |
|
Harry |
what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you. |
|
Sally |
They do not. |
|
Harry |
Do too. |
|
Sally |
They do not. |
|
Harry |
Do too. |
|
Sally |
How do you know? |
|
Harry |
Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. |
|
Sally |
So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? |
|
Harry |
No. You pretty much want to nail ’em too. |
|
Sally |
What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU? |
|
Harry |
Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. |
|
Sally |
Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then. |
|
Harry |
I guess not. |
|
Sally |
That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York |
Aha-erlebnis
 Soms levert een film een echte aha-erlebnis. Ik had zo’n moment bij het zien van bovengenoemde dialoog uit When Harry met Sally. Toen ik de film in mijn studententijd de film voor het eerst zag had ik eigenlijk nooit bewust nagedacht over de complexiteiten van man-vrouw-vriendschappen. En niet eerder had ik er eigenlijk bij stil gestaan dat er in mijn ’echte vriendenkring’ geen vrouwen voorkwamen. Na het zien van When Harry met Sally dacht ik: zo zit het dus.
When Harry met Sally behandeld op sublieme wijze het thema man-vrouw-vriendschappen/relaties en bevat naar mijn idee een groot aantal ’waarheden’. De zienswijze waarmee Harry naar man-vrouw-vriendschappen kijkt staat denk ik redelijk model voor hoe een man daar naar kijkt. En de kijk van Sally is er een die ook in het echte leven overeenkomt met hoe veel vrouwen het zien. De tegenstelling is tevens een perfect voorbeeld voor het gegeven dat mannen en vrouwen elkaar nooit echt helemaal zullen begrijpen. De verschillen waar ook het succes van "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" en vergelijkbare boeken op gebaseerd is.
Hoewel de bovenstaande dialoog tamelijk zwart-wit is, is de essentie naar mijn idee juist. Indien er een vorm van aantrekkingskracht is staat deze een 100% zuivere vriendschap in de weg. ("the sex thing is already out there") Een echt zuivere vriendschap zonder verborgen agenda’s lijkt pas mogelijk als deze aantrekkingskracht er niet is. Maar het is vaak juist deze aantrekkingskracht die man en vrouw bij elkaar brengen. Of zoals een vriend van mij ooit mooi formuleerde: "Indien ik niet op enig niveau aantrekkingskracht voor een vrouw voel zal ik daar nooit tijd en moeite in gaan investeren. Voor vriendschappen heb ik mijn man-vrienden." (ik weet dat deze opmerking door veel vrouwen mogelijk als primitief, stompzinnig en onderontwikkeld zal worden beschouwd, maar weet ook dat die voor veel mannen heel herkenbaar zal zijn)
Vrouwwezens van een andere planeet
Ik heb het thema van When Harry met Sally wel eens met vrouwen besproken en geleerd dat de vrouwelijke soort de definitie van vriendschap heel wat ruimer stelt. Vrouwen die nog ’bevriend’ zijn met hun ex, maar terloops wel melden er nog mee naar bed te gaan (of zijn geweest) na het beëindigen van een relatie. Vrouwen die op datingsites geloven dat ze daar met de insteek vriendschap leuke contacten op gaan doen... (wat natuurlijk ook best kan gebeuren maar de insteek zal altijd anders zijn ... Je gaat ook niet douchen om eens lekker droog te worden). In het vrouwenbrein kan zelfs een ’relatie’ met sex als vriendschap worden gezien (’platonische sex’ kan dus bestaan in de wonderbaarlijke wereld van de vrouw) Ofwel, vrouwen zijn in de ogen van de man echt wezens van een andere planeet. En eerlijk gezegd maakt dat deze vrouwwezens ook wel weer leuk.
Gewoon goed
Los van de thematiek is When Harry met Sally gewoon een goede film met veel herkenbare emoties en prachtige dialogen. Meg Ryan zet in de rol van Sally een vrouw neer met een hoge aaibaarheidsfactor en heerlijke neurotische (vrouwen)trekjes. Billy Crystal als Harry is een grappige analyticus met de juiste dosis zelfspot. De film hoort qua genre thuis in de romantische komedie. Zoals het in dit genre hoort overwint uiteindelijk de liefde en kan de kijker heerlijk wegzwijmelen bij een happy end. Mooi toch!
Vooruit dan: nog een briljante dialoog met 'Harry's amendment to the rule' om af te sluiten:
|
Harry |
Would you like to have dinner?... Just friends. |
|
Sally |
I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends. |
|
Harry |
When did I say that? |
|
Sally |
On the ride to New York. |
|
Harry |
No, no, no, I never said that... Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can... This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted... That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends. |
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